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AD&D Second and Third Edition Humorous Convos

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Heheh [13 Oct 2008|07:22pm]

[ mood | amused ]

Gavrus Firth, Third Seraph of Death, Doomguide of Kelemvor, Pathfinder 3.75 Cleric of Kelemvor, Lawful Neutral
Traveling Companion: Srynda: Warlock/Mindbender (fallen Celestial of Kelemvor)
Chaotic Neutral

I've never had so much fun making no friends in a game. I really laid into a fellow PC verbally yesterday, right at the end of the game. I introduced a Cleric of Kelemvor (Forgotten Realms: LN Undead Hunter) who was on the trail of vampires the party had been harried by continuously. I arrived late and the fighter and rogue got Tsochar (demons that body-jump) in them that demanded they find spellcaster hosts or they'd eat them from the inside. Long story short, although through the use of telepathy we tried to come up with a plan, the fighter and rogue gave in and we had to deal with the consequences. While I was praying for the proper spells to deal with demons, and the warlock and rogue were slaying one, the fighter went to a tavern directly after he gave it what he wanted and drunk himself silly after taking massive Con damage from the demon extricating itself, which nearly killed him. That colored my perception of him a little.

Back on the vampire trail, after conducting a divination and learning a little, we visited the local temple of Lathander so we could learn more and inquired of a region near Daggerdale called the Bloodlands. Turns out there's more than one; many, some quite powerful. I suggested the proactive approach: going in and wiping their taint from Faerun for good. Both the fighter, rogue, and the NPC priest of Lathander said it was a bad idea because there were so many of them. That priest of Lathander (who is now on my sh!t list too) said it was a bad idea because there were so many and that they hadnt stirred for centuries. I replied that evil is rarely content to leave well enough alone. I said as much to him and almost berated him for sitting on his hands and doing nothing while evil festered in the lands his god deemed him worthy enough to protect but I knew it would get me nowhere. Then there were the out-of-game hints (which I despise) saying if you've always wanted to play a PC vampire then now's the time. The fighter suggested I use my magic more creatively and search for specifically the vampire's lair. (Good point, actually). I cooly replied divinations are never certain and 1.) we have his location now, 2.) waiting another day to prepare the spell could cost innocent blood, and 3.) I refuse to turn a blind eye to the taint festering in these lands. Fighter denounces me as fool, I return with someone lacking in true faith need not lecture me on interpreting divine will.

Fayrock of Aglarond: "That vampire almost killed me."

Gavrus of Kelemvor: "He almost killed YOU," with a bored expression.

Ok, I didn't really expect them to go for the idea but I played up my char to the end, which once again, affected his outlook on the others as weak minded sheep waiting for the slaughter, especially after the fighter suggested we wait for the vampire to come to them, even after he'd killed a number of his friends and was supposedly seeking revenge. That got him an in-character sneer from across the table and I started addressing him in terse, one-word phrases for the rest of the session.

We went snooping around a Zhent outpost, trying to see if they were shipping slaves out and keeping the vampires fat and happy since there'd been no disapearances in Daggerdale as of late. After the rogue failed to get much of use out of a slaver, out Warlock decided she would try and charm him so we could ask more direct questions. The fighter decided he was going to hit the tavern because he was sure things were going to go bad, denounced us as fools and left the group. Long story short, we got the charm off, but still learned nothing.

So we got back to the tavern:

Fayrock of Aglarond: "I'm surprised you're still alive. That was suicide."

Gavrus of Kelemvor: "I'm not. What did you learn at the tavern about vampires?"

Fayrock: "I came here for a drink, not to find vampires."

Gavrus: "Exactly," followed by a hard, accusatory stare.

Fayrock took my point immediately.

Fayrock: "You're crazy. You wanted to jump in and get us all killed in the Bloodlands, you should have died in the market. You're lucky is all."

Gavrus: "Whom did you say you called patron again?"

Fayrock: "Lathander."

Gavrus: "We (myself and the warlock) do not require "luck." Faith is our guide and faith will see us through, not alcohol, something YOU would do well to learn."

Fayrock: "You know nothing. I had a demon inside of me eating me from within!"

Gavrus: "Exactly..." and I meant to follow up with a bit on fighting inner demons but the moment died and the DM decided to cut there.

...Not the friendliest sort, this char, but I can't deny I have a new favorite char at the moment...

But then, I'm a crazy undead-hunter and I intend on organizing a holy crusade at some point to wipe the Most Unclean from the hills of Daggerdale for good.

I love this character.

Laugh Your Ass Off

It All Started When the Bard Died [06 Jul 2008|05:58pm]

1 Lost Traveler| Laugh Your Ass Off

I attack the darkness! [01 Jul 2008|02:38pm]

The website I work for just released this subtitler game, so I thought I'd share my geekness with the world. This is only one of the ones I've made... this thing is like crack.


X-posted to hell and back.
Laugh Your Ass Off

Time with my brother+A little too much time=This [19 Jun 2008|06:29pm]

So, I have this thing on my computer, basically supposed to teach you how to draw in the anime stylings, right? Well, I can't draw, so I took the examples and made two different composites for our characters.
Laugh Your Ass Off

Ah the glory of computer randomness [31 May 2008|02:13pm]

I am working on a game for myself and my family to play this weekend. I am using the second edition core rules computer program to create an NPC.

This program is notorious for giving NPC's the stupidest attributes in the world.

For example.

the NPC cleric I just made...

one of her non weapon proficiencies was Reading/writing Dolphin.

That just really strikes a cord with the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy fanboy in me.
4 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

The Gamers! [27 May 2008|10:25pm]

The Gamers: Dorkness Rising by Dead Gentlemen Productions is being released!

Predicted to hit stores on August 14th!!!

Check out www.the-gamers.com for more info, or go to www.imdb.com!!!

Freaking awesome gamers movie!

I am so amazingly excited for this movie to come out. I have been waiting for 2 years! I have been checking the website weekly for 2 years!!!! My waiting has paid off and now I tell the world!!! yaayyyy!!!!

5 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

[20 May 2008|01:30pm]


This last game got a little out of hand, but we all had fun and that’s okay, right? Our group is made up of 3 married couples and myself, and we usually aren’t this… dirty. But then, there are usually children running around the house when we play. Anyway, we had fun and the unusual nature of our humor probably made it even funnier to us.

That said, these quotes aren’t G-rated. I checked to make sure there isn’t a rating policy. I wouldn’t say they are R-rated, but… let’s just say we were having trouble keeping our minds out of the gutter.

So, background info?

Stacy – warforged fighter named Krummmmm – adds Ms to her name as she kills more foes.

Andy – human favored soul – has a tendency to smash his mace into grotesque statues to make sure they aren’t going to come alive and kill us.

Bob – NPC rogue that we hired to disarm traps and unlock doors for us. Seems to have trouble detecting the traps, but he’s a wiz at disarming them once he finds them.

The rest is pretty self explanatory. Enjoy!

X-posted to rpgquotes
2 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

For the Love of Money... [10 Apr 2008|12:40pm]


Here's an entry from my halfling's journal:

Today we stopped outside instead of sleeping in the rain. I don't quite understand why the biggums complain so much about the little drips of water, though. It just means we don't have to try to convince the half-orc to wash in the morning!

And what is Bloc's problem, anyway? The great brute challenged a dwarf to a drinking contest, and the dwarf won! Bloc passed out downstairs. I braided all of his hair and painted his shoes purple.

Oh, I can hear him now! I better make myself scarce!

Laugh Your Ass Off

R.I.P. Gary Gygax [04 Mar 2008|02:31pm]

Rest well, good sir; you have helped to shape not just this world, but millions more that dwell in our minds.
10 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

The REAL Burger-King [19 Feb 2008|09:43am]

THIS ME CAVE!Collapse )
4 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

Eh... [18 Nov 2007|03:52am]

DM: Make a common sense roll.
Player: But I don't have any common sense.
DM: Just roll it.
*Player rolls dice*
DM: You're right, you have no common sense.
6 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

Saturday Night Irregulars, chapter 2. [10 Nov 2007|11:20am]

[ mood | satisfied ]

Linzey's not be writing much, mostly because one of our other members writes a weekly journal while we adventure. However, she had some major character development last night, so she had to write an entry in her journal.

For the first chapter, check here.

Chapter 2. Under the CityCollapse )

4 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

I AM the fireball. [07 Oct 2007|11:29am]

[ mood | amused ]

Last week at game, we were traveling and our sorcerer spotted someone lurking in the woods. She immediately called out, "Drop your weapons or I'll unleash my fireball!" (We are second level, so it was a complete bluff). Of course, combat ensued and our party (made up of 4 fighters out of seven players) easily mopped up the 3 orcs. After this week's game, when we arrived back in town, I e-mailed everyone the following message:

At some point during the party’s stay in the city, each person discovers something hiding in their belongings. It’s a small slice of wood, about the diameter of a saucer and about an inch thick. Each piece is cut roughly and looks like it might have been discarded as trash by a woodcarver. Into each piece of wood are crudely carved, but easily readable words: “I AM the fireball.” The small amulets bear a hole at the top, through which are threaded pieces of leather lace, which are then tied off at a length to be easily slipped over each person’s head.


Laugh Your Ass Off

Saturday Night Irregulars [23 Sep 2007|05:54pm]

We started a new campaign last weekend, and it took me a long time to come up with a character concept that I was excited about. I had promised to play the healer, and I finally decided to go with a halfling cleric/monk/sacred fist. Of course, we're only at level 2, so I'm just a halfling cleric right now. After 2 sessions, the game has turned absolutely hysterical, so I wanted to share. For starters, here's Linzey's background, aka, chapter 1 of her journal. Enjoy!

Chapter 1: A Quest for DillinCollapse )

So far, I'm finding that I love being the comic relief of the party. Stay tuned for this week's journal entry, as soon as I get it written!
4 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

Strong is she with the force. . . [15 Jul 2007|07:32pm]

[ mood | pleased ]

So, my younger sister recently started playing D&D (yay!), and her character is a gnome rogue. Her party (level one) was fighting goblins, and in one blow she dealt enough damage to one goblin to kill it instantly. Her DM was surprised, and remarked "Well, you're right about at crotch level and. . . that's a painful way to go."

She has taken her first step into a larger world.

6 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

Sometimes the game goes in the wrong direction.... [15 Jul 2007|10:16am]

Last night was the last game of the module I am running. During the evening, Jon was talking about how in his games, he limits the number of charges that can be placed in a wand.

Jon: "Wands only have 20 charges, because they are small. Staffs can have 50 charges."

Linda (Jon's wife): "I'm so sorry that you have a small wand, honey."

Jon: "Baby, I've got a staff."

Stacy: "But how many charges does it have, that's the important part!"

Andy: "Yeah, roll a 1 and you're done for the night!"
Laugh Your Ass Off

Whoa, another one. [13 Jul 2007|09:19am]

[ mood | awake ]

Have you seen "Godfather, Part Two?" Remember the beginning, where Vito's mother asks Don Ciccio not to kill Vito, and is killed instead? Yeah.

Last night I dreamed that Vito's mother went to Don Ciccio to ask him to help her give her son a better life by letting her get a better job in town. He said "Well, I can't let you level up; you're an NPC."

The next day she came back and said "Hey, all I want to be is a commoner; can't you give me another level of that?" And I think THAT is the point at which he killed her.

I am so weird.

1 Lost Traveler| Laugh Your Ass Off

Storms and the Geek [11 Jul 2007|08:11am]

So, first thought upon being woken up at 5:10am by an absolutely astounding thunderclap that announced the arrival of the first of the summer storms over Southern Nevada... Was to wonder where the sonic attack had come from, and if there was a cleric to deal with the aftermath of what sounded like a nasty fight with something like a yrthak...

Followed by coming the rest of the way to awareness, and realizing exactly how D&D-oriented that befuddled thought actually was.
3 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

I'm not obsessive! [06 Jul 2007|09:55am]

[ mood | amused ]

Okay, yes, I am obsessive. A lot.

A few nights ago, I had a very vivid dream. First, my house was invaded by penguins. Very cute. Second, my house was invaded by alligators, who ate the penguins. Very icky. Then, finally, my house was invaded by frikkin MUMMIES. Very distressing. They were largely inert, mostly lying around on my sofas. But I started thinking "Uh oh, mummies. Is that one a mummy king? Am I going to catch mummy rot? Do I need to make a will save against despair?" And then I realized that was awfully meta even for a dream, and woke up.

3 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

I Triumph!!! [04 Jun 2007|05:52pm]

[ mood | mischievous ]

So, we're in the woods, and my DM calls out "Out of game free knowledge moment!"

We all freeze. He never does this unless he has something devious and cruel and hilarious to those un-punished.

"I am going to let you guess what's in the woods. All you know is that you hear howling. Whoever guesses correctly doesn't get attacked for five rounds."

The entire group just stares at him. Then I timidly ask, "Is it a werewolf?"

Our cleric goes on to tell me that's stupid and says it's a wild bearhound.

Then everyone else guesses, and it ranges from our dear cleric's idea to worgs and winter wolves.

Turns out I was right! Yay me!

(The cleric no longer heals me, by the way. I have to rely on our druid. A lot.)

(Oh, and ouch.)

8 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

A little bit of meta-humor. [04 Jun 2007|04:25pm]

This stands as the only time I ever out-weirded my DM.

DM: [as a friend walks by] Oh, I need to talk to him quick. Guys, just do nothing for a while. [leaves]
Player: [rolls dice] Oh man, I got a two on my do-nothing check. Well, plus the appropriate modifier.
Me: Fifty-one.
Player: Okay.
DM: [returns] Okay, I'm back.
Player: I got a fifty-three on my do-nothing check.
DM: . . . What?
Player: Yeah, two plus a modifier of fifty-one.
DM: . . . Fifty-one?
Me: Yeah, it's an area effect.
3 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

[29 May 2007|08:52pm]

Recursive humor is fun.
2 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

Pork. [27 May 2007|09:50pm]

[ mood | amused ]

Here's a fond memory from one of my now-ended campaigns. In this one I was Spencer, somewhat goofy chaotic good half-elf fighter. For those of you keeping track at home, this is the one that included Krash and the hobgoblins with the cheese steak.

We had been staying at an inn, and our innkeeper was killed in the middle of the night by what appeared to be a halfling made out of rags. We never did get around to figuring out what the hell it was, really. But in any event, there was a room with blood all over it and the innkeeper's body in a wine barrel. The whole party was in there, including our dragonfire adept named Drachgok, who figured in the next encounter.

DM: You are standing around the room looking at each other when you hear a knock at the door. A butcher enters carrying a dead pig.
Drachgok: May we help you?
DM: "I'm here to see the innkeeper," the man says. "It's his daily delivery. Have you seen him?"
Drachgok: Um. . . yes, he said to leave it here with us.
DM: "That's okay, then, I'll just be going and OH MY GOD!"
Everyone: We're screwed.
DM: ". . . Did I do that?"
Everyone: What?
DM: Int 6, people. "I mean, I didn't see him, but now he's dead and I must have done it with my pig."
Spencer: Oh. Oh. Yes, yes you did. You should go tell someone so.
Everyone: Spencer!
Drachgok: Well, let's examine the body. Ah. Yes. See, it looks like this man was sliced to death, so unless you have a very sharp pig. . .
DM: "Oh. Yeah, I guess you're right. I feel a lot better now. I guess I'd better tell the town guard."
Drachgok: Yes, tell them to look for someone with. . .
DM: "A sharp pig, yeah."

It took a few minutes to restore order.

3 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

Turn/Rebuking Attempts [22 May 2007|11:41pm]

Right. I'm playing a Cleric and I've never been very sure about how turning and rebuking undead works. Could somebody PLEASE help me out here... like translate into english because I have read an re-read that section, maybe 10 times already!!!! HELP!!!

2 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

Spooferific! [16 May 2007|07:03pm]

I welcome you to the idiocracy that will come of incredibly bored people! Let the spoofs begin!
Spooftastic!Collapse )

Thank you, thank you...Hold your applause and surrender your wallets...Thank you...
10 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

A BRAND-SPANKIN' NEW ALIGNMENT!!! [16 May 2007|03:12pm]

[ mood | awake ]

Hi all! Please excuse the few Dragonlance referances when I tell you all about the BEST alignment ever. I call it...*dramatic pause and drumroll* CHAOTIC HAPPY!!! *triumphant trumpets*

This is how it works:

  • Chaotic happy talk really fast to say everything they want.(Chaotic happy person:Hey-fellas-there-was-this-thing-I- saw-but-I'm-not-really-sure-Isaw-it-and-I-wanted-you-to-see-it-too-but-how-can-you-see-it-if-I-didn't-really-see-it-and-so-I-thought-I'd-come-ask-and...")
  • They cannot be unhappy. Sure, they can be a little sad...but there's always happy there. Like if a friend dies, "Oh, that's bad...But at least now he/she doesn't have to wait to find out what the Abyss is like! I wonder if it's fun in the Abyss. Maybe you'd meet the Dark Queen. I wonder if she'd like me. Aw, who am I kidding? Everyone likes me! Right, fellas?"
  • They must ALWAYS be optimistic and curious.("Can we go in this cave? Yes, I know there's a dragon in there, but how could he possibly wake up? You can hear his snoring from the other side of the island...Come on, there might be jewels and...and...other shiny things!)
  • No matter how intelligent they are, they are prone to say stupid things. This is simply because they have so much on their minds that they turned off their "mind filter." ("Whoa, giant person...I can see your toenail from down here. Have you ever cleaned those things? I have some soap, but I'm not sure if it's enough...")
  • They like to play tricks to cheer people up. This could include friends, mere acquaintices, complete strangers, the evil wizard in the castle that could blow them up into a billion pieces...("Hey, I wonder what it'd be like to be blown up? Everyone acts like it's a bad thing, but I'm sure it'd be and wonderfully INTERESTING experiance...")
  • They're always ready to try something new, even if no one else is. ("Oooo, you need someone to be shot out of the cannon? Can I do it? Puh-leeeze?")
  • They always, and I mean always, want to know what stuff does. ("Hey, what's this? It's some kind of lever! I wonder what happens if I pull it...?" *pause* "Oops, sorry, fellas, I didn't know it was the lever to a trap door. Hey, at least no one was hurt! Oh, you were? Well, I'm sure our handy-dandy cleric will just fix you right up!")
All my buddies hate me right now. They're actually putting restrictions on how much I can talk at one time.
15 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

Don't insult the goddess! [15 May 2007|06:50pm]

[ mood | amused ]

I mean, seriously. I thought everyone knew that. I could not believe it.

Alright here's the story...

Our group's standing in front of an enchanted garden. My centaur, my brother's fighter, his friend's wizard, and our friendly (if you do his bidding) cleric. We've been searching for a gem for three years now, and we think it's inside.

Just when we're about to enter, a goddess appears in front of us.

So, our DM tells us who she is, what she rules, ext...Then he shows us the picture.

My brother...MY brother! Oh, he's so stupid. His fighter looks at her and shouts,

I swear, my brother's an idiot.

His character gets turned into a rabbit, is speared through repeatedly, and is now doomed to forever feel empty where she gutted him, even though he's still whole.

My only flesh and blood confided in me after the game: "Since when did we have to say 'Out of Game' before doing something stupid?"


8 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

Okay, one more thing. [15 May 2007|12:58am]

[ mood | giggly ]

I'll calm down with posting here after this, since both my campaigns are over and I won't be in a new one until next semester. But I still live and breathe geekery, as this snippet of IM conversation proves. Incidentally, this was with the girl who played Krash.

Me: What's up?
Her: The ceiling!
Me: Okay, just for that, you get. . .
Her: Yay!
Me: >>>>>>>:0(
Her: I cast "Wax" on the angry eyebrows.
Me: Damage reduction ten! The eyebrows become sleek and fabulous!

7 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

Requiescat the second [13 May 2007|02:44am]

[ mood | tired ]

My other campaign just ended, in a much less satisfying way than the first one did. We, a group of level four to level five adventurers, spent the last few sessions trying to rescue our friend Ulrich from the keep of the seventh level wizard Zanzer Tem, and we charged in again today. We killed many hobgoblins and bugbears, but ultimately reached a room with a large revolving door. Some members of our party (not me) thought it was the best idea to open the revolving door slightly, fire arrows into the crowd of mining hobgoblins on the other side, and then close the door again. Krash (half-orc barbarian and defender of hippos everywhere) and Spencer (my character, half-elf fighter and essentially nice guy) were assigned to do the shooting. I want to be on record as saying I have no clue what this tactic was supposed to do for us, but it was in character for Spencer to go along with it. Well, anyway, we failed to reclose the door, and a mob of hobgoblins came pouring in and basically slaughtered us. I mean, we killed all of them ultimately, but we were all dying, and a bunch of ogres and bugbears were coming, so we wound up having to run away just as the session ended, so that wound up being the end of our story. I wanted more resolution than that, but whatever. Enough talk, on to the funny bits.

In the beginning of the session, we were all supposed to be brainstorming, but kept getting sidetracked by irrelevant stuff. The first time this happened, I said "Okay! Clever plan!" to get us back to the game, but then people started being silly again. Our DM said "Okay, so you wake up, say 'Clever plan!' and then spend the day getting drunk and playing dice. You go to bed." We kept talking, people kept bringing up irrelevant stuff, and I again said "Clever plan!" "Day two!" said our DM. "You wake up, say 'Clever plan!' and then spend the day getting drunk and playing dice. You go to bed." More talk, someone else said "Clever plan!" "Day three!" quoth the DM. We wound up going through a week like that.

One of our characters was a dragonfire adept (yeah, I hadn't heard of those before either) named Drachgok, who could breathe cones of fire. It was a standard thing: 3d6 damage, ref save for half. She breathed on a group of hobgoblins, and said "Thirteen damage." "So," said our DM, "half the crowd fails the ref save and dies, and the other half passes and. . . still dies."

Before we could storm the keep, we wanted to do scouting. For some reason, before they left to go scouting, the people playing Drachgok and Krash started singing songs from "Evita," until the guy playing our wizard/cleric Aleen said "Okay, I'm casting Silence." "Excellent," said the DM, "That's exactly what I would have done." Later Aleen regretted having blown a spell on making a joke.

Krash was rolling incredibly well during today's session, and had just picked up Cleave. It was a shame she didn't have Greater Cleave, because she probably would have been able to take out the whole mob in three rounds, but c'est la vie. In any event. Our DM likes to play it cool, but when Krash reported that in one blow she had done nineteen damage, he screamed "Jesus shit, woman!" This was probably funnier to me than to anyone else.

And finally, as we were being attacked, grappled, and exterminated by the horde of hobgoblins, our DM got a thoughtful look on his face and reflected "You know, as 'Rocks fall; everyone dies' goes, a mob really isn't bad."

The moral of the story, of course, is that our DM is a clever and delightful total bastard. I'll miss this game. I'd grown rather attached to Spencer, who, as we walked into the whole death trap thing, turned to Krash and said "If I die, I want you to tell my father he's a jerk."

Laugh Your Ass Off

Requiescat [08 May 2007|11:48pm]

[ mood | lethargic ]

One of my campaigns (the one with Argus the gnome) ended two days ago. There wasn't too much joking around in the session, because our DM was trying to cram about ten hours worth of plot into about seven hours. However, in the main room of the evil mirror people's kingdom, after we killed the king and his guards, we discovered that there was writing on the king's throne. Our warlock Lazarus and our old friend Argus were the first to investigate.

Lazarus: I turn on Detect Magic.
DM: There is magic on the throne.
Lazarus: What kind of auras?
DM: Every kind.
Argus: I read the writing. What does it say?
DM: You begin to read, and the first words you are able to make out are "I prepared Explosive Runes this morning." Everyone, make a ref save.

Earlier this evening I found said DM playing the card game of Order of the Stick with some friends. He grinned at me.

7 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

Me again [29 Apr 2007|08:11pm]

[ mood | dorky ]

This just happened a couple hours ago, and deserves to be recorded for posterity.

This is from my second game. One of our characters is a gnome bard named Argus, who is extremely campy and only barely tolerated by the members of the party who aren't me. A young elf girl came up to us, asking us for help.

DM: She says "I was walking with my father, and he went off in another direction, and now I'm lost. Can you help me?"
Argus: We'll help you find your father. Do you know what he looks like?

Argus inspired another good line a while back. We were facing a giant undead thing surrounded by a bunch of little undead things that were trying to break a stone floor in a cave system.

DM: He says "Do not touch the little ones, for they are carrying out the master's will."
Argus: Yeah, your MOM carried out MY will last night!
DM: . . . The "your mom" joke is lost on the undead.

Laugh Your Ass Off

Hi! [27 Apr 2007|09:57am]

[ mood | amused ]

I'm new. Here's something that cracked me up.

In one of my two games, we were going through a mine run by ogres and hobgoblins. We killed some obscene number of hobgoblins on our way to the boiler room, where the two hobgoblins stoking the fire were smart enough to attempt to surrender. One of our party is a half-orc barbarian named Krash. She wanted to try to talk to the hobgoblins and ask what they were doing. Our DM said that the languages were related enough that she might be able to make out what they were saying, but she'd have to roll for it.

Krash: What are you doing here?
DM: They say "Please don't kill us." Roll to see if you understand them.
Krash: Got a ten.
DM: All you make out is something about a bad hippopotamus.
DM: Now I roll to see if they understand you. . . no. . . they say "We don't have a cheese steak, and what is this Philadelphia of which you speak?"

She killed them.

11 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

The Evil Campaign [19 Apr 2007|12:21pm]

[ mood | optimistic ]

I'm playing three games currently, one of which I'm not too terribly fond of. I don't enjoy playing an evil character, i don't like being the antagonist. But it was all worth it the last time I gamed...

For some reason, we had to kick some Wizard's ass. To do so, we had to jump him in his tower. The DM gave us temporary cash and materials to do with as we pleased, but to be given back at the end of game. Well, I bought two flaming swords!

A little character background. We play in the Forgotten Realms. Three of our party members are Red Wizards of Thay, who are openly Lawful Evil. I play a Thayan Knight(TK), a prestige class in the Complete Warrior. TKs are kind of like body guards for Red Wizards, except that they are held in high respect for their allegiance and discipline for Thay. You are SOMEBODY as a TK. We have a Monk, who registers as a nobody, and a wannabe TK, who is really creepy. The guy who plays the character imitates a very creepy scratchy deep voice, that he got off of the movie "Highlander".

So we all get ready to kick open the door. One of our Red Wizards is (fortunately) not present. So, I kick open the door (very dramatically) and the iron golem and his four guardians are surprised for a round, as we stand there in momentary shock. The wannabe T.K. clears his throat, and in a deep, creepy, scratchy voice says, in a very Monty Python kind of way, "Um, sorry. Sorry. Wrong tower. We'll just be going, then," and closes the tower doors.

*shakes head*


4 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

What happened to the Chuul? [04 Apr 2007|03:23pm]

[ mood | determined ]

I haven't told y'all the conclusion of the Chuul because game got put on hold for a few weeks. As a quick update:

My character did not like rolling with the Chuul because the Chuul is an aberration and is a favored enemy of my character.

So I had about 3 weeks to mull over all of the suggestions that everyone gave me, and finally decided that I would strike a deal with Arkon, the Wizard. My character is always skinning and preserving skulls for Arkon, so I decided that I would skin the head of the chief Goblin that we killed AND the head of the chief Chuul, that we are supposedly going to kill, free of charge, as long as I got to kill his Chuul when we were through with it.

This plan was not carried out into action because early on in the next game, Arkon's Chuul was killed in an enemy Chuul attack. Thus ends Nikkilana vs. Friendly Chuul.

I thank you all for you helpful suggestions. There is always a way out!

a.k.a. Nikkilana

3 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

Bullshit and more... [26 Feb 2007|05:41pm]

I'm having difficulty role-playing with players who don't like to roleplay.

I have a 7th level human ranger who took humans and aberrations as her favored enemies. There is a good backstory to go along with that... anyway... the difficulty is that i travel with a party of humans, not including a gnome and a spell-scale (something like a half-dragon), and one of the humans who owns a Chuul. The big thing in my background is that a Chuul killed my mentor.

My character was upset already with having to fight Chuuls, but she was pissed when the Wizard Charmed the damned Chuul and has made it into a party-member. (Out of game, I know that the player is just trying to piss me off.)

Now i'm in a predicament. I can either A) not role-play and let the thing roll with us and let peace be kept or B) say piss off to the Wizard and kill it, engaging in an act of war against the Wizard and all who follow him.

I am essentially party leader, but we have a Paladin (my sister, who is madly in love with the Wizard's player) who thinks that she or the Wizard should be party leader.

Her argument:
Human Paladin: "I should be party leader because I'm prettier and more Charismatic than you are, you uncivilized bitch!" (my character is from a woodland tribe)

Spell-Scale Sorcerer: "If that's your argument, I should be party leader. I have a Charisma of 20!" (this would be my little brother talking)

Paladin: "Then (name deleted), the Wizard should be party leader. He's the most intelligent!"

Me: "We share the same intelligence, and I'm 25. He's only 17 years old! Stupid Paladins... (grumble... grumble... lawful idiots... grumble... grumble... human... grumble grumble... bitch... grumble...)"

Sorcerer: "I follow the Ranger!"

Gnome Druid: "So do I!"

Human Wizard: "Hey party leader, can you skin this Annis Hag's skull for me. I know you killed it, but I want it for my collection. *guffaw*"

Me: "(name deleted), you are good in alignment, right?"

Wizard: I'm nuetral good."

Me: "That sounds pretty CN to me, o well"

Human Bard: "I shall follow where you lead, Ranger."

Human Rogue: "As much as I hate to agree with the Bard, I will follow you until death *wink* (then, I'll run away... tee hee)"

The only one who refuses to fall in line is my stupid sister! So, If I attack the Chuul, I have to deal with the Paladin who took Ranged Combat Feats (i took 2 weapon fighting), and the Wizard who casts spells at a distance. The rest of the party except maybe the spell casters, will not support me (mainly the Rogue and the Bard, although, if the Bard says that he won't support, the Rogue might support me just so she isn't on the same side as the Bard).

On top of it, if I kill the Chuul, there will be in-party and out of game fighting.

In short, I have until Saturday to figure out, What should I do?

17 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

Just a few quotes from Krynn [25 Feb 2007|08:31am]

Last night during our dragonlance game, the PCs were attacking a would-be ally, so I had them make spot checks to notice the medallion of Mishakal (goddess of healing) around her neck. 3 rounds later, someone finally made a DC 10 spot check. I scribbled down the note on a yellow sticky and passed it to Stacy and her brows furrowed as she tried to read it:

"Medallion of... Milkshake?!"


"Oh...! Chocolate or Vanilla?"

"Chocolate, absolutely."

"Hey, she's a friend, guys!"

And then later:

Cleric: *healing the monk* "May Paladine and Mishakal bless you."

Monk: "I'd like Strawberry please."

Confusing the PCs is so much fun.Collapse )
2 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

The Last Chapter [14 Jan 2007|12:48am]

[ mood | exanimate ]

So, we finished our campaign tonight. We actually finished it before, but went back to kill the shadow dragon from earlier on. And there were just two moments that I wanted to share with you.

The Last ChapterCollapse )

1 Lost Traveler| Laugh Your Ass Off

Merry Christmas! [24 Dec 2006|06:26am]

[ mood | anxious ]

Okay, nothing as amusing as my last submission, but we had some fun ones last night. My personal favorite:

My 18 druid has found Shapechange to be the absolute coolest spell in existance. And since, per her history, she is actually a servant of a gold dragon, her favorite form is a Gargantual 36 HD gold dragon (ancient, I think?). Well, we finished our campaign module and are going back to kill all of the things we missed - like a very old shadow dragon. When we met up with him, he had prepared and decided to take away our teeth, so he cast an anti-magic field around himself. He didn't count on certain party members having artifacts, but in the meantime... I couldn't attack, so I grabbed several companions and followed. Our ranger had grabbed my tail and wanted to leap off the tail onto the shadow dragon.

Me: "Yeah, I'll fling her over there, since I didn't take any other action."
DM: "Okay, Stacy, roll a reflex save to grab on to the shadow dragon."
Stacy: *rolls a natural 20*
DM: *lol* "The dragon flings the ranger flying through the air; she rolls up in a ball, then at the last minute, opens up and latches on to one of the spines of the shadow dragon. Stacy, you get one attack, as if you were charging. Roll it."
Me: "The dragon says: 'Wow, that was pretty cool! We should try that again sometime!'"
Stacy: *rolls a natural 1*
Me: "The dragon says: 'Wow, that was pretty cool! We should - *winces* - Oops.'"

Eventually, the shadow dragon (who had our wizard - currently at 4 hp - in his mouth) decided that the antimagic field wasn't working, so he dropped it. Immediately, I swooped in with a freedom of movement and the wizard followed up with a time stop and 3 delayed blast fireballs, 2 of which were tacked with moment of prescience. It was a beautiful moment. XD

1 Lost Traveler| Laugh Your Ass Off

The 23rd Move [14 Dec 2006|04:22pm]

This came up on a gaming list I'm on and was too good not to share

- - -
The Lord is my Game Master, I am in it deep.
He taketh me to lie down in minefields, he leadth me beside the deadly waters.
He restoreth my soul (when clerics of the proper level are present)
He leadth me down the paths of confusion for his game's sake.
Yea when I walk though the valley of the shadow of death. I shall fear no evil for I know it will be present.
Thy rod and they staff they quickly teach me of error.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies, whom I must defeatith to get there.
Thou anointist my head with fireballs; My wounds runnith over.
Surely goodness and mercy have nothing to do with the stuff you write.
and I will dwell in the house of Arrkam for ever and ever.

Your turn.

(C) Garry Stahl, 1998
6 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

First d&d entery [16 Nov 2006|02:20am]

[ mood | amused ]


Our campaign starts off in the wastelands...where we see a big black blob that looks like...a black blob! The black blob turns out to be a Black Dragon. We take on this money/ruby hungry dragon and kill him!This is where the fun begins.....

cameo today : Viro (are old perverted wizard.)

Vers, Viro, and Hrothgar start to claim body parts!

Vers cuts off the head and the tummy and theres dragon blood everywhere!!!!!

Viro decides that it's smart to touch dragon's blood....gets 2 damage....smooth move!

and Viro attempts to draw blood again.....

Then there was a strange discussion about dragon mating that had absolutely nothing to do with the campaign.....

and viro finally suceeds!!!! I guess third lucks a charm.

day 2:

viro takes first shift that night for a lookout..and he sees nothing...and he hears nothing (a.k.a low listen check.)

vers takes second watch and he has gone missing!!!! but their is a trail.


moving onto day 3 we see two ogres appear. They wack Dervin with a tree. Dervin cuts one ogre's head in response.


The second ogre flees..and dervin needs a beer!

While Dervin goes beer hunting in his beer cart, Viro says "why does my ass hurt?"

He looks around and states he has to go to the bathroom.....SOUNDS KINKY!

We begin to head slightly more north when we are attacked my a....a....COOKIE BREAK!!!

thanks Dervin.

Hrothgar claims he want's shiny stuff as Vers figures out we are a hlaf a day behind from the wastelands...I blame Dervin and his cookie break.

we have 2 of the 4 elements....we have water and we have earth....these were found before the journal was started. We are headed to find earth.

Now we are heading southwest..still on day 3....

The plains are not stinky just barren, Like Michael Jackson's sex life.

Vers does a funky little twisty motion with his hands...its almost technoish while dervin yells "BEER!"

"It's the purple worm, and not the one in viro's pants!" Dervin

Vers is sensing the thoughts in the ridge.....

Note to self* seperate purple worm(viro)and that guy(hrothgar).

"There is something moving....moving...in the sand."

And while this is going on..purple worm suggests raping that guy. WE ARE DEFINALTELY SEPERATING THEM!!!!

"I'm the fricking DM, shut up!" the DM

Now as we deciede to head northeast, Viro hits a bug with his magic...good for you Viro..you can hit a little bug.

to be continued.......

Laugh Your Ass Off

Memorable Moments around the Gaming Table [01 Oct 2006|11:21am]

[ mood | amused ]

Morning! I've been enjoying my gaming group's current campaign, and last night was especially fun. I wanted to share some of the gems.

During the review of last week's game:

GM: "And then Lori tried to disentegrate the mindflayer, but it appears that at the last second he escaped, using some sort of teleport spell that leaves all of his items and a pile of dust behind."
Lori (with sarcasm): "Riiiight."
GM: "Jon has used his accute arcane knowledge and he believes the mindflayer actually went to some other plane of exhistance."
Jon: "Yeah - hell."

And if you thought D&D couldn't be as confusing as real life...

GM: "Heironious is a big fan of letting evil kill evil."
Jon: "Still, if it's between Lolth and this demon-chick..."
Dave: "The enemy of our enemy is not necesarily our friend."
Me: "True, BUT, better the enemy you know than the one you don't."
Jon: "Exactly."
Later, after a goblin has been interrogated:
Me: "Wait, so the fire giants aren't on the demon-chick's side? It sounds like they just came in to take advantage of the chaos..."
Jon: "And sacked the city."
Dave: "Which means, they're the enemy of *both* our enemies!"
Me: "It still doesn't make them our ally. These are fire giants."
GM: "Heironious is a *really* big fan of letting evil kill evil."

And my favorite for the night. We all got a big kick out of this one.

Jon: "Damn, we can't polymorph ourselves into elementals."
Me: "Look at the other options, though. Fey, vermin. We could go as pixies or dragonflies..."
Jon: "Field mice. Mice can get into all sorts of small places."
Dave: "You think it's wise to be field mice running past an army of giants and orcs?"
Jon: "Dude, I'm a field mouse with 200 hit points. Bring. It. On."

It's probably a 'you had to be there' thing. But we laughed.

I'm also amused by the fact that I played a druid during this last campaign and now that we're thinking about new characters for a new campaign (one that I'm running this time), the other players are impressed enough by the druid to consider having someone play one. *warm fuzzy*

4 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

[25 Sep 2006|11:07pm]


Has a bunch of pictures following the example of Despair.com's insipirational posters, but these are geared towards RPGs.

If you take off the rpg/ you get a bunch of other comedic gems.
4 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

[19 Sep 2006|10:14am]

May offend some readersCollapse )
3 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

While not humorus I have to ask. [20 Aug 2006|11:04am]

Is anyone here playing D&D online? I caved in and bought and so far it's decent. If anyone is interested in adding a 1st lvl cleric to their group look me up at Aundair under the name Kimbley.
16 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

DnD Comic Strip: The Order of the Stick [20 Jul 2006|08:39am]


7 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

[19 Jul 2006|02:49pm]

[ mood | ditzy ]

My DM created a new deity named Elon. He is a monotheistic god in a world of polytheism. The players have not taken him very well (or seriously). One gamer even re-named the deity Skryndor (Screendoor) because he said "this god is a useful as a screen door on a submarine!"

I, on the other hand, tried to give this new god a try. I played a halfling cleric named Thea, nicknamed Squirrel Baggins. After gaming with this group for a while, it was forgotten that my character saved the party's asses, and she eventually was named "The Hooker of God". How? Because she wore thigh high leather boots of charisma (my own creation). They were later named Hooker Boots of Charisma +2.

7 Lost Travelers| Laugh Your Ass Off

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